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Finding Peace — Manuscript Post #11

Adult Child of an Alcoholic, ACoA, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Finding Peace, One Patient's Journey, Therapy For the Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Posted: April 20, 2015 at 4:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)

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–The fork in the road

Throughout my life I’ve observed how the adults around me dealt with their life issues. They had to choose how they would respond to these challenges. They had to choose which way they would go when there was a fork in the road. And every time, they pulled the fork out of the road and stuck it in their eye. Then they writhed in agony, while they ranted about how unfair life is, their persecution by ‘the man’ and how they never had a chance.

Their issues may have involved work (every boss they’ve ever had was an asshole), their coworkers (all idiots who are out to get them), their spouse (crushing their dreams) etc. No matter what the specifics were, in every case, from what I could see, they did it to themselves and it was always someone else’s fault.

They would then use their self-perceived persecution to justify their self-destructive choices. If the issue was about work, they would quit the job with no plan on how to get another one. They would take lots of time off between jobs due to their suffering. If the issue was a spouse, drama and divorce were the answer. Coworkers? Pick fights with them at work which would result in getting fired which was just more evidence that everyone was out the get them.

I watched this and never could understand the thought process. When I asked about any of this I was told “you don’t get it”. They were right. I have had a number of jobs, many bosses, and lots of coworkers (but only one spouse!). I have had, in my opinion, one boss that really was a sadistic sociopath. I quit the job, after I had my next job arranged. I took no time off between those jobs. I have had a few coworkers that were assholes but I could always see them coming. I did my job, stayed out of their drama and let them self destruct in front of the boss.

When I had symptoms, I didn’t want to poke myself in the eye with sharp objects. I wanted to actually try to resolve them. I wanted to understand what was happening to me and why. I didn’t want to blame anyone, or justify some selfish behavior. Going to therapy was my way of not repeating the pattern I saw growing up. I found help and listened to the advice that was offered. I got better. I didn’t act out at work, I didn’t lash out at those closest to me, I didn’t torture my coworkers.

If you have things that bother you, get help. There is help out there and it can be very effective.

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