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Finding Peace — Manuscript Post #13

Adult Child of an Alcoholic, ACoA, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Finding Peace, One Patient's Journey, Therapy For the Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Posted: May 4, 2015 at 4:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I exercised normally. I was lying down and felt weak. I was worried I wouldn’t wake up. My arms felt heavy. This was the worst my symptoms ever got. I remember very clearly, lying on my bed, looking at the lights in the room, wondering if I was going to wake up. I can’t think of a better way to describe it, it felt like my consciousness was blinking in and out. I was scared. I had no idea what was happening to me. A reasonable person would probably say I should have called 911. I thought about that, but I wasn’t sure what I could tell them. They would ask what my emergency was, and I would tell them what? I wasn’t having trouble breathing, I wasn’t bleeding, I didn’t have any thoughts of hurting myself or others, I wasn’t blacking out. I didn’t really know how to describe what I was experiencing. I also thought about my wife and sons, and I was glad that I had taken care of my family’s financial security. If I was somehow not going to come back from whatever was happening to me, I at least knew they would be cared for.

I was exhausted from my symptoms and I finally fell asleep.

I chose not to call 911 based on what I was experiencing, but, depending on what symptoms you are having, you must make the call that is right for you. Don’t hesitate to get help.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I exercised normally. Weakness comes and goes. After what I had experienced the previous night, I wondered if it had all been a bad dream. After a good sleep, things seems much less scary, but I had no way to tell if what had happened the night before was going to happen again.

Thursday, September 4, 2008
I exercised normally. After work, I vacuumed the house and did other chores without a problem. After lunch I was suddenly very tired. I napped and felt better. In the evening I felt very tired again. My neck and left shoulder were suddenly sore for no reason. I took my blood pressure — 131/81. Again, the second number wasn’t much above normal.

Friday, September 5, 2008
I exercised normally. Tired of worrying. Tired all day. Blood pressure is 136/74.

I mention exercise every day because that had been my routine for a long time. I wanted to maintain my routine as much as possible before I went to the doctor.

Saturday September 6, 2008
Woke up. I was so tired I went back to bed. This never happens to me. Blood pressure is 123/73.

Sunday, September 7, 2008
Felt pretty normal all day. Worked in the yard which made me tired, but just a normal level of tired. Blood pressure is 130/78.

Monday, September 8, 2008
Today was my appointment with Dr. Sue. I’ve been a patient of hers for over twenty years. She knew my medical and family history. My wife has been her patient as well and she has treated our children for their entire lives. I provided a copy of my notes covering recent events including the lunchtime experience from a week ago. She asked if anything had changed recently. Since we had been on vacation back in July, I had started taking my hypertension medication (Lisinopril) in the morning. For many years I had been taking it in the evening just before bedtime. I made this change because we were out late while on vacation and I was concerned I would forget to take it at all.

After hearing all I had to say and reviewing my notes she told me that there was “nothing scary” in all of this. She suggested that I go back to taking my medication in the evening. Some patients become drowsy after taking it. Since I had felt more tired than usual after donating blood recently, she suggested I stop donating for a while. She offered that some of what I was experiencing may be caused by concern that I might feel bad again at the next donation. She said it was probably a combination of many things that caused me to have these feelings. She wanted me to let her know if things got better over the next several weeks. I was relieved and realized how exhausted I was from worrying.

At this point, I was expecting things would improve. I went back to taking my medication in the evening. I didn’t sign up for any more blood donations. I continued to take notes every day. After about four weeks I only took notes when something significant happened. I realize that what follows may seem like way too much detail. My goal is to show you how my symptoms came forward over time. I want you to understand that it wasn’t immediately clear to my physician or myself that I needed therapy. It took time to eliminate other causes.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I felt tired, but normal. Work was stressful but I felt good. Around 8PM that evening I sat down to watch TV. I suddenly felt weak and my legs were cold. I got up and walked around and I felt better. I was eating and suddenly was very nauseous, so much so that I couldn’t eat anymore. I was very tired and went to bed. I was coughing a lot and didn’t sleep much.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008
I felt good all day. I worked all day and into the late evening and still felt good. I had no problem eating.

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