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Finding Peace — Manuscript Post #45

Adult Child of an Alcoholic, ACoA, Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD, Finding Peace, One Patient's Journey, Therapy For the Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Posted: December 14, 2015 at 3:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)

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Once I had all the money I deposited it all in Snap’s bank account. I got a call several days later from the collection agency. They pulled the money from the bank account, both WalMart accounts were paid off. While this was progress, the whole situation was about to get a lot worse.

I was told that Medicaid had done an assessment of the apartment where my mother had been living. I wasn’t clear whether Snap was living there as well or not. His living arrangement was never clearly explained. Due to my mother’s ongoing medical issues, Medicaid had determined that he could no longer care for her and therefore they won’t pay him to care for her. She had been out of the apartment long enough that she was losing it. Snap tells me he had been renting a room somewhere but that fell apart sometime ago and he had been effectively living with our mother since then.

Since she was losing the apartment, all her personal property had to be cleaned out during the next week. Snap had no apartment of his own, no place to move her stuff to. I asked him to find a storage place and look into a new apartment. I wanted Snap to get established in an apartment of his own, whether or not my mother was ever going to leave the hospital. Like many real life events, there simply wasn’t time for lots of debate. Things had to happen now in real time. The storage place would be $75 a month and an apartment would be $375 a month. I didn’t know how much of either of these expenses Snap could afford to pay. He would need to hire movers to move the furniture, that would be about $400. I deposited another $1000 into his checking account.

He told me he appreciated the help. I asked him to pay off the remaining payday loans and I made it clear I would not help him with any further payday loans. My message was that we needed to get him into a stable situation where he could live on his income without any more loans. I decided it was time to find out about his income and expenses. He told me he would be self-sufficient after this. He can afford the monthly rent. I offered to pay the monthly cost of the storage unit indefinitely. I also made a request, that I would have an opportunity to copy all the family photographs that were in our mother’s apartment. I was very clear that I wanted to copy them and I was not trying to take them away from anyone. He actually interrupted me — “I want to send them to you for safe keeping”. I asked him to get them professionally packed and shipped to me. I contacted a UPS store local to him and setup an account where he could bring things and they would pack and ship them and I would be billed.

This had been one of my goals in all of this, to prevent things like family photos from being destroyed. I told him to ship whatever he wants to. I had no way of knowing what was in her apartment at that time and there wasn’t time for me to travel and review and decide. He had control over her stuff so I simply offered to pay for whatever he wanted to ship to me.

He had been calling me very often. I wanted him to start using email because there were so many numbers and details to keep track of. Taking handwritten notes during each phone call was tedious. He didn’t have a PC.

He called to tell me that our mother had hurt herself falling out of bed at the nursing home. She had tried to get out of bed to find the cats, and because she thought the house was on fire. This injury would delay her going home. I was wondering what ‘going home’ meant at this point. He still thought she would move back to her apartment. I didn’t know how she would arrange the subsidized apartment again.

Multiple bills arrived, some from the nursing home and one from the state. I didn’t know what this was about. Perhaps there was some change in the Medicaid payments since she was in the nursing home? Was the state wanting us to pay back some of what they had already paid? I had no way to really find out.

Snap told me he would like a used laptop. I ordered one online and had it shipped to me so I could make sure it worked before I shipped it to him. He told me that the movers had completed the move, our mother’s apartment was empty. The moving expenses were more than expected so he needed more money. I couldn’t understand exactly why this had happened, but I deposited $300 anyway.

I asked him again if he had the income to be self-sufficient and he told me he did. I also asked him to confirm that there would be no more moving expenses. He had moved into his new apartment and liked it. I emailed the storage place to setup an account so that the bills would come to me directly. I wanted to make sure the bills got paid. Storage units will dispose of the contents of a unit if the monthly charges go unpaid.

Shipments starting arriving at my home. Lots of boxes. I had to find a place to store all the items shipped to me. I wasn’t sure how long any of this stuff would need to be stored. Would it all go back to wherever my mother was after she was out of the nursing home and hospital? I asked my Snap to find out how Social Security income our mother was getting. I was trying to figure out how my mother would afford to live on her own.

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